I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
