just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
