Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
