Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
