why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize