I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
did you just send me my own nude
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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