I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We talked him into tasing himself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
