Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
