I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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