Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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