ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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