They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize