I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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