dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
