he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
