I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
