im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
