Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
