im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
