; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
