I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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