what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
