You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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