Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
