Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
