The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
