That's when you crack a 10am beer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
