Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drake has all the answers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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