she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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