Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
