I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
