Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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