omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
