I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
