Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize