My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
