Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
