He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
