My first STD was from a foam party
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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