I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
