drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize