FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
