I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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