There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
