I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
