I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
