Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
