I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
