So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
