3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
