just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
