nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
