i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
