there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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