I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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