I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
