Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
