And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
