now i know why i became what i already was.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
