OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
