honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
