My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
