He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
