one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
