god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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