So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
