there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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