Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
