i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
