you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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