you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize