from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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