the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize