Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
