I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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