When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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