Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
