I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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