Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
