Acid is not a monday night drug
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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