Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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