Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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