Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
