I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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