Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
