Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
