Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
