i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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