Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
