I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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