you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
