Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
