Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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